The one for me
by Sheba-chan
Summary: Lina ponders about the man she loves. Is it Gourry, Zelgadis or Xellos? Or even someone else? And what is she willing to sacrifice for her love? (5.10.: Chapter 2 is UP, guessing time is over ;)! Enjoy!)
1. I just wish

_**The one for me**_

Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers. Which might be due to the fact that I can't even afford to buy a new headphone. Poor me.

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: A bit too weird to be a humor fanfic. If someone wants me to write a second chapter, expect it to be a dark one. I have the strange feeling that this is heavily OOC.

Pairing: Lina x ??? (Read and guess! :P)

Authors note: To those who have already read some of my fanfiction, it's nothing new; everyone else I might warn that English is not my native language (I'm from Germany) and there might be some typos or other mistakes in my fanfictions, no matter how often I proofread. I am sorry for any inconvenience.

* * *

Some people claim I love Gourry.

Amelia is one of them and I tell you, she is nuts. I do not love the jellyfish brain!  
  
Maybe I should explain it properly: I have seen much and I think I might say that I'm one of the best magicians in the world. The man who can win my heart doesn't have to be a magician or any kind of intellectual, but I need someone who understands my wishes when it comes to power and knowledge - maybe someone who can even share them with me.

Gourry...he is the best friend I can and will ever have. He is trustworthy and strong and a master of the sword while I am a master of magic. We complete each other, we are a team - but nothing more than that.

He doesn't understand my wishes and I admit, I don't understand him as well. Maybe he really follows me because he loves me. Then, I am truly sorry that I can't return his feelings.

Besides that, there's Sylphiel. She really is a nice woman, dutiful and trustworthy as well. She loves Gourry with all her heart and I really hope he will finally understand what she feels. If needed, I'll use a few Fireballs to burn it into the non-existing brain of the idiot.

Some people claim I love Zelgadis.

Those are also wrong. Zelgadis is a friend as well, but surely not someone I can love.

I never was a shy and reserved girl and I tend to get into trouble (which is of course not my fault!). Zelgadis tends to ponder way too much and prefers to be alone anyway.

I am glad that we have helped him at least a little bit. To us, he talks about his needs and wishes, but he still remains inapproachable when it comes to certain things.  
  
I need a man who is more like me, who doesn't care if anyone stares at us if I am too loud, eat more than the rest and fireball someone to oblivion. Simply, someone who doesn't care if he is different than others.

But Zel doesn't like to be stared at. I understand that, I know that he is ashamed of his body and that he'd do anything to get rid of his curse. But instead of accepting what has happened, he tries to hide it so no one can see his fate. Most people might behave like he does, but it's simply a habit I don't support.

Still, he is my friend and I want to help him since I doubt I could live with a body like that. Maybe, he once was a happy young man, before Rezo turned him into the being he now is.

But then...I honestly must say, I doubt that there is a cure. We have travelled far, we have beaten Dark Star, a _god_, and we have seen places just few people have seen before us.

If there was a cure, I think we would have found it by now. And somehow, Zelgadis knows that, too. But he refuses to give up.

I need a man who knows when a battle is lost.  
Don't get me wrong - I also fight until the very end, but I also don't close my eyes in front of the truth. I need someone who isn't afraid of any battle but can admit and accept if he lost. Zel can't. I do not blame him in any way and as long as he keeps on searching and allows me to help, I will aid him. But I don't see any hope.

That's why Zel needs to accept his new life. He lives in a past which has gone since years, but he just won't let go.

Why can't he see what Amelia tries to tell him with every nice word, every smile she gives him?  
  
Yes, Amelia loves Zel as much as a woman can love a man. Now, Zel only has to learn to accept her love, to understand that he still is lovable. And he needs to accept himself, his body.

Then, he might open up to the princess who is so unlike him. But in this case, she's just what Zel needs. I hope her positive way of life will reach him someday. He'd surely be a better prince than Amelias father.

Some very crazy people claim I love Xellos.

And honestly, this is the biggest load of crap I've ever heard.

But well, I'll try to explain the truth without blasting those people up.

It doesn't bother me that Xellos is a Mazoku. Honestly, if it would, I'd kill him and he knows that.

But I wonder if there is a being which is even more annoying than him! He surely is able to drive anyone nuts. Now, look at me. I am what is called an "outspoken woman". If something bothers me, I say so. If someone annoys me, I fireball him. As easy as that.

But Xellos likes to keep secrets or to tell only half of the whole story. I could never love a man who refuses to share his feelings and thoughts with me. This might sound strange, coming from someone who rather blows everything up than talks about problems. But trust is the most important value in any kind of relationship and I simply can't trust Xellos.

I need a man who isn't afraid to tell what he thinks, even if he is the only one with this opinion. Someone who knows what he wants and is proud of that fact.

Xellos just likes to keep secrets, only talking with his master - that's what I assume, since he tends to appear and disappear just like he wants. He obviously doesn't want us to know. He doesn't trust us and we don't trust him. Just the fact that we have been through a lot of problems somehow lets me call him a "friend".

Besides that, Mazoku simply don't love others in the way humans do. Or Ryuzoku. Yes, I talk about Filia. Honestly, I think Xellos might have some sick kind of crush on the poor dragon. He doesn't hate her, he...plays...with her, in his own strange way. If he would really hate her, he'd obliterate Filia before she could even raise her weapon.

Fact is, he doesn't harm Filia in a physical way, he just tends to annoy her until she goes on her destructive rampage. Which surely is fun for a Mazoku, but he can easily destroy things on his own.

Filia on the other hand hates him, so I guess his love will remain unanswered. But I doubt that he cares much about it. He is a Mazoku, after all.

...so, what about me?  
  
Now, some people will claim that I'm too demanding when it comes to love.  
  
Gourry is strong and outgoing, but pretty dumb.

Zelgadis is strong and intelligent, but too shy and introverted.

Xellos is also strong and intelligent, but not trustworthy.

Besides that, they all have girls who are in love with them (or, in Xellos' case, hate him. Heh, I pity Filia!).

I must tell all those people that I am not demanding.

I have found a man who has everything I could ever want.

He's strong, nearly able to beat me.  
He's intelligent, knowing more than any human I have ever met.  
He's brave, never refusing to fight, but he knows when to give up.  
He's outgoing, having his own way of thinking and doesn't give a damn if others don't like this.

I just wish there would be a way to melt his frozen heart of hate.

THE END (?)

* * *

This chapter ends here and I honestly don't know if I should add a second one (which would be the last one). I guess most people know about the man Lina describes and so, most people could imagine how the second chapter would look like. 

Please excuse the weirdness.

If you want a second chapter or if you want to guess who the mysterious man is, please tell me in a review. Constructive criticism is welcome, as well as praise. Just please don't flame.

Thank you for reading!

Sheba


	2. to dream forever

_**The one for me **_

_Part 2: To dream forever_

So I return with the second chapter, in the hope that you won't think I'm some girl with one hell of a sick mind after reading.

I'm not really pleased with the result, but I still like the ending a lot. I hope there is someone out there who actually likes the whole story...

But first, thank you to all reviewers! A special word to each of you!

AllisterH: I was very happy when I read your review, thanks to you for actually putting so much thought in a review to a fanfiction I just wrote because I was in a strange mood! XD  
I agree with you that Lina obviously isn't a person with some meaningful goal in life. Still I can imagine her to change once truly fallen in love. I truly see your point by talking about the sacrifice to L-sama. And while surely ignoring a lot of points here (By the way, I simply hated the anime version...I always liked the manga a lot more), I still decided to make this none Lina x Gourry. Simply because I was in the mood to do so. No special intention or anything. I might agree with you that there might be female fans who see themselves as Lina and are therefore not supporting this pairing. It's just the fact that this is not my reason for writing like this at all - frankly, Lina is one of the persons in Slayers I don't even like. It's just that I wanted to write this as a result of a strange mood of mine and to find a way to put one of my favorite characters in the second chapter now. Sorry for being strange:D

JoyCrux: Heh..I'm glad someone guessed. :) I still must disappoint and tell you that you guessed wrongly...but not everyone has that strange, crazy mind of mine (lucky you!). Hope you enjoy the second chapter!

Cookie: Thank you! As you wished, here it is!

Kaeru Shisho: I'm glad that you liked it and even deemed it to be a possible happening (never thought I'd write something which doesn't sound OOC a ton...well, it might change in this chapter :P). I'm also glad that my bad grammar didn't mess up everything. I still hope I will improve soon since I can't always hope for making everything sound poetic...To answer your question: Yes, the man she thinks of is still available, even after TRY. Guess for yourself and just read on:)

* * *

Ah, what a beautiful night.

Up here in the mountains, the nights are always wonderful. The sky is clear, the stars are shining and some tasty animals are waiting to get roasted and eaten.

I actually enjoyed my meal here even more than I usually do, considering the path which I will follow. Tomorrow, we have reached our goal...well, I better say _my_ goal.

The others are sleeping. Gourry, snoring next to me, is out like a light. I deliberately offered to guard our camp in the last hours of the night to do some final thinking; to consider what I want to do.

Tomorrow, I'll see him again.

Again, and still for the first time.

I simply don't know what to do. Normally, I'd say just to follow my intuition, but it might be the end of my life. No, I surely have to consider everything this time. Darn, I am so confused! I almost feel just like the jellyfish brain!

What will he say? What will he do? Will he even answer me or will he remain silent, unwilling or unable to speak? Does he know what I did to him?

_'It's not like you, thinking so much!'_

What! Great, now I hear voices! But I can sense no one here besides us!

_'Of course you can't. It's still quite a walk until you reach me. I wonder if I should allow you to continue.'_

It's you...? In my mind?

_'Hehe, I actually deemed you more intelligent. Of course it's me. I still hold a great deal of my power. If I wanted, you would be nothing but dust now.'_

...I can destroy you. I beat you before.

_'Well, you just got lucky that the priest interfered. You still are no match for me. However, fighting me is not the reason for your arrival here...'_

No. I just came...to...to...

_'Yes?'_

Considering the mockery in your voice, you know!

_'Of course I know. But say it. I want to hear it from you.'_

I came...to see you. To be with you.

So? 

_'...ha...haha...HAHAHA! Do you actually know how foolish you are?'_

You could be more grateful, you know.

_'Grateful? For what? What the hell are you for me? If I'm feeling generous, I consider you an enemy. Otherwise, you are just a nuisance. A simple human.'_

A nuisance! I beat Hellmaster Phibrizo! I am not your average stupid human you can toy with!

_'It wasn't you who killed Phibrizo and you know it. Mother was just feeling benevolent. And for the toying part...isn't this the reason you came here?'_

I surely don't intend to be a merely toy for you!

_'Then you obviously don't know your place. It seems to me that your sure got cocky...but let's face the facts! Our duel? Without the priest, you would have been turned to ashes. Garv? Not your victory. Phibrizo? Wasn't you. Dark Star? You might have been the one who shot the arrow, but without the fused magic of light and darkness, you would have lost, too. Kopii Rezo? He actually killed himself when he figured out how stupid his plan was. Face it, you are nothing!'_

...No! I am truly _not_ nothing! Sure, sometimes, I simply was lucky. But I won fair, with the help of my friends! We joined forces to beat Dark Star and also overcame every other problem! And L-sama decided to help me because I was willing to help my friends!

_'Such words from a selfish girl like you? Maybe I should allow you to come to me, for the solely reason that you are such amusing!'_

Just because I'm a brilliant genius doesn't give you the right to judge me as selfish!

_'Hahahaha! Just listen to yourself! Oh, what fun you are!'_

Darn, don't make me mad! You are the selfish one! Look, I came all the stupid way up here to visit you and you, the self-centered jerk you are, have nothing better to do than telling me that I'm a weak idiot?'

_'Better watch your words, human! The last one who came to me came back is now wishing to be dead - if he still has a mind which can wish for something in the form I turned him into._

_I repeat my question from before: Why should I be grateful that you came up here?'_

_'Well?'_

... Aren't you...I thought you are...

_'What? Speak, human!'_

...lonely?

_You know nothing! I am not as weak as you are and time is not important for me!'_

Oh, this sounds more like a flimsy excuse than an explanation. Did I hit a weak spot there, my friend?

_'SILENCE! I am not your friend! You are just a mortal who thinks that she can rise up to the gods! I have no business with you! Leave at once or I will kill you!'  
_  
...No.

_'As you wish. You and your friends will die before the sun will rise!'  
_  
No, we won't. They will leave unharmed and I will come to you.

_'What a dream are you dreaming? My power is still beyond your imagination and this time, no one will interfere once I decide to kill you! I am trapped here way to long already, the soul of the fool who once had control has long perished.'_

I know that. Still, I want to come to you. I doubt that you will kill me. I trust you.

_'Trust me! **Me**!'_

Yes. I trust you as much as I trust my friends.

_'You don't even trust Xellos! How can you claim to trust me!'_

Well, Xellos will remain a mystery for me forever. You however...I may not know everything about you. It might be that I'll never do since we are so different. But I think I can judge you well enough to claim that you are curious and terribly bored. And now, that finally something happens in your polar wasteland, you surely won't destroy me. You actually want company - you even talk to me when I haven't even arrived! And if it's only for your amusement, I don't care...

...as long as you are happy.'

_'As long as I'm happy! And you think you are the one who can make me happy? Happiness - despite being a word which doesn't have the same meaning for one of my kind than it has for you - will not reach me until I am out of here. _

_What is it with you, anyway? Did you really come here because you hope that I would love you? And what's with your friends? I am the enemy, if you remember. Coming to me is a treachery.'_

I know that. I know that you will never love me. You might not even respect me. But frankly, I don't care. Yeah, let me just be the selfish person you claimed me to be! I am happy if I can be with you and I simply couldn't care less what you think.  
I also know that I will never be able to be with my friends again. Maybe I'll have to see that you try to kill them one day. But even if I'm not with them, they will fight you.

Besides that, they will go on. Each of them has his or her own goal. Zel searches for his cure. Amelia has her justice. Xellos...hell knows what he does if he's not being mysterious around us. And Gourry...well, he still has Sylphiel. I don't worry because I _trust_ them! They will be alright!

_'...I see. Very well.'_

And this means...? Come on, work with me here!

_'Ha...I actually might enjoy you being around here! You sure are an interesting human. Well, come to me if you truly want. Consider what will happen. You will share my fate, don't forget that. If you come, come now. Then, your friends are allowed to leave safely. Do not say goodbye. Prove me that you believe in them that much.'  
_  
...Alright.

* * *

Gourry Gabriev woke up at dawn. He stood up and called for Lina, but she was gone. Just when Amelia and Zelgadis were about to join him in his search, Xellos appeared. 

He told them that Lina was gone and that she would not return.

They asked him countless times and fireballed him just as much. He promised to ask if they were allowed to say goodbye before he disappeared. 

When he returned, he told them that they should follow. He took them to a hidden place in a small valley where they stood and watched Lina.

Even Zelgadis shed a tear, but no one asked further questions. Somehow, they had all known. Quietly, they decided to return to the last town they had visited together, to discuss everything else there.

Xellos stayed a moment longer, looking at the now sleeping sorceress who had managed to surprise him once more. It was a real pity that the fun had ended so early, but his opinion wasn't of any interest here.

He bowed once before disappearing.

Besides the snow and the icy wind, just two figures remained in the cold Kataart mountains, both trapped in ice. One, a human sorceress who voluntarily decided to stay with the man she loved. The other, a Dark Lord, trapped in a human body and eternal ice.

And even if he doesn't look at the sorceress; the fact that their fingertips touch shows that he appreciates her being with him a lot. 

END

* * *

I hope you enjoyed reading. I'd appreciate it if you would spend some seconds of your time to review. I always try to improve my writing so please leave praise or constructive criticism.

Thank you!

Sheba


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